A Lesson in Love (Sap & Corn Free... Almost)

Every Tuesday evening, Justin and I carefully wrap a teapot in a dish towel, and take it to the village library.

It’s English conversation time!

(Tea is conducive to conversation, in case you didn’t already know.)

Justin teaches a weekly conversational class to adults in our village. Anyone can come and participate in English language activities and chatting. This quickly became one of the highlights of my week after moving to Yasuoka, not only because I could engage in English conversation, but because I found I was learning a lot during these evenings. I’ve learned about the history and traditions of our area, I’ve heard explanations about various Japanese cultural quirks, and I’ve gotten to know a bit about each of the individuals who attend. I often feel like I get more out of the “class” than anyone.

This week we started out with a pretty standard Valentine’s Day theme of love. What started as a lighthearted discussion soon turned more philosophical when someone asked the rhetorical and ageless question, “Well, what is love?”

We proceeded to talk about how expressions of love are very cultural. In Japanese, for example, there are two words for love; koi and ai. Each of these words connote a different kind of what we would in English simply put under the label, “love.” Although we do have qualifiers for love (i.e. puppy love, romantic love, sisterly/brotherly love), it all is described using the same word. In Japan (from what I understand), “love” is a term applied only to a romantic relationship (either koi or ai, depending on the nature and maturity of it) or maybe between a parent and child. Love, in the Japanese sense, does not occur between siblings or friends. You do not love your country, you do not love your fellow humans, you do not love your coworkers, and you certainly do not love your dog.

This does not necessarily mean that Japanese people don’t have the same feelings or experiences in these relationships as Westerns might. There are just not really linguistic equivalents to describe them.   

For one individual in the class, our English/Western use of “love” seemed cheap. They felt that using the same word to describe your feelings towards your spouse as you would to describe your enjoyment of pizza was kind of shoddy. To this person, the overuse of the word “love” ultimately diminished its value in contexts when it should represent something profound. I could see their point. Justin has often told me he loves bean burritos. Does he feel the same way about me as he does bean burritos?

I have had a very similar conversation with a Spanish-speaking friend who also felt that the English use of the word “love” was pretty empty due to its overemployment. Once again, Spanish is a language that uses two separate words to describe different types, or ‘levels,’ of love. It seems our English use of “love” is very cultural indeed.

I learned during this Valentine’s Day class that, in Japan, saying, “I love you,” is not necessarily an everyday occurrence for many couples and families. I was asked if it was something I would expect to hear everyday from Justin. When I replied yes, there was a bit of a mixed reaction. One person said that in Japan, a man might only tell his wife he loved her once in their relationship, likely as an initial declaration. Some agreed that it was not necessary to hear the words consistently; they’d much rather experience an attitude or an action of love. Others felt that some verbalization was important to them, even if it wasn’t exactly the norm.

This got Justin and I thinking. Coming from a language where it appears I can love a pair of shoes as well as love my mother, what does it mean to other cultures when we talk about God’s love? Love is an extremely important concept in Christianity. We love God. We love others. God loves us. God is love.

Look back at some of the songs you might have sang in church last week. How many times does the word “love” occur in them? What would those lyrics have meant to a Japanese person? Based on what I’ve learned, probably not much.

I think this should get us thinking. We know that God’s love is not limited to or by cultures. I've been able to attend churches in four different countries with several nationalities represented in each, and I know for a fact that this Truth is something that transcends languages and cultures. However, our representation of Christianity has become very cultural. I need to consider the ramifications of this.

The word “love” is cultural. That I’ve established for myself. But you know what’s not? Taking sacrificial action for the benefit of someone else because you care about them. Well, that’s what love is, isn’t it? No, I’ve realized that for a good chunk of the world, it’s not. 

We have a song that goes, “they’ll know we are Christians by our love.” What if we considered changing the lyrics of that to: “they’ll know we are Christians because we go out of our way to defend, support and take care of them, even if it’s inconvenient, difficult or possibly damaging to us”?

Seriously though, that would make a horrible song. Nobody would sing that. That’s why my husband is the songwriter, and not me.

But my point remains. The word “love” is cultural. But the way “love” is defined for us through the example of Jesus is not. 

Can I begin to "love" like that? I would like to try.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I worked hard to make this happen
(and potentially risked my marriage)